Listen:
Consider:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:16-17

It happens to us all. It’s only a matter of time before plans crumble, and life seems like you’re caught in a maze with no way forward. I know, that’s not very optimistic. But it’s true, and that’s where I was when I wrote my song At the Foot of the Cross. Having worked at a Native American mission for a couple of years, I had begun to teach guitar to Navajo and Apache students on the campus there, however, the mission school was a residential situation. Kids would come and live there during the school year, but I knew the way they presented themselves there was modified behavior. When they would go home for a weekend or break and come back, I noticed that their demeanor was different, and eventually that would change as they had to adjust to the rules and structure of the school. But as I taught guitar to a number of the students and staff there on campus, I started to experience a lot of joy in the connections that came from that. I wanted to go where they were themselves. That’s where my desire to be on the Rez came from.

I decided to share my vision with the administrator at the mission, and he said that they didn’t really have any ministry where I could fulfill that vision at the mission, but if the Lord was leading me that I should do it. So, that’s what I did, after all, it was my best guess that God was leading me to do it. So, I packed up my stuff (that didn’t take long), and for the next week or so I was a free agent. I had no idea what I was doing. It wasn’t until about a week later that an organization that I had been doing stuff with, called The Legacy [of a Kid Brother of St. Frank] called me and said, “You want to teach music on the Rez, and we want to start a traveling music school to the Rez. Why don’t you come and work with us?” So, that’s what I ended up doing.

But that’s jumping ahead.

This story is about the week where I didn’t have any idea of what I was doing. Praying, waiting, being annoyed at my situation, questioning everything – it was these conditions that led me to the foot of the cross. Broken. Weak. Letting go of my desire to lead myself. Crying out to God. I picked up my guitar and started to finger-pick, and the words and melody just flowed out. As I sang it, tears flowed – in the intimate, secret place of worship.

Have You brought me here
Among these rocks and thorns
Listening for the voice that I long to hear
Lord, let this be my plea
Keep me on my knees
That I would not forget Your mercy

At the foot of the cross
I’m broken and I’m weak
At the foot of the cross
I lay everything

Oh Friend of mine
Once bruised, bleeding and torn
Let me not forget why You hung there
My iniquities You paid
My sin Your joy to bear
Your love that draws and holds me close to You

So, looking back at my journey as I re-release this song, I wanted to invite you to walk through this song stanza by stanza with me, considering the journey.

Looking back over all the songs I’ve written, I think “At the Foot of the Cross” is one of the dearest to me. It was a tough week – the song was the cry of my heart.

This song is an honest remembering of my first-love. Not just in a static kind of way, but in a way of putting myself in that place again. It reminds me of what Giorgio Tiepolo wrote, “Anyone who does not fall in love with God by looking at Jesus dead upon the cross will never fall in love” (Liguori, 1997, p. 11). What many don’t know who have heard this song, is that it was such a hard song to write for me (in that difficult and tender season), that it took me a while to be able to sing it without breaking down. In a way, I think it was one of the first songs as a songwriter where I actually wrote what I was trying to say.

Larry Hine, Spiritual Director to Brennan Manning, prayed this blessing over him on his ordination day, and I pray it as a blessing to you as you enter into Holy Week,

May all of your expectations be frustrated
May all of your plans be thwarted
May all of your desires be withered into nothingness
That you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child
And learn to sing and dance in the love of God
Who is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

I hope you will join me as we paradoxically experience joy, and we follow Jesus’ lead on the road to the cross.

Reflect:

Was there a time in your life when you were at the end of yourself, where you were desperate and crying out to God? What did prayer look like for you during that time?