Home again.

A common denominator in my spiritual journey over the years has been the idea/identity of being a visitor, and in this metaphorical way of thinking, “home” is Heaven. I’ve quite literally been a bit of a nomad too, but we see this idea in Scripture woven all throughout its text. Scripture is written to an exilic people, strangers, and foreigners, and “home” is the place of union with God – back to Eden.

But the idea of home has changed for me over the years.

Back in 2008, I began a project – a trilogy, called “The Nomad Chronicles.” It was to be an opus of life – my dusty, unlikely journey of chasing after the wind and finding my breath. The plan was to release 3 albums. The first would be called “Dust,” and it would be a meditation on the fragility and fleetingness of life. The second would be called “Voices,” and would include songs that are more designed for corporate worship. Then, the last would be called, “Home.” The original idea is that it would be an album about Heaven.

But something happened.

As I was completing the first album, tragedy struck. My wife was pregnant with our son, Elijah, when something went wrong with the pregnancy and we lost him. The song that was written out of that experience was the last song on my “Dust” album, entitled “Regarding Elijah.” A broken heart wasn’t the only thing that I suffered. I also came to realize that I didn’t really know (or understand) much at all about Heaven. Most of my concepts were formed by a pie in the sky theology of life after death – artifacts of streets of gold, scary creatures, and ‘no more tears’ is what I was going off of, but let’s face it, those things might of well been the land of Oz when one is reeling from the pain of having held the body of their lifeless baby boy in the hospital room. So…I hit pause on the “Home” project.

Along the journey a big shift in my paradigm was around how Jesus talked about Heaven and the Kingdom of Heaven. The way that Jesus talked about Heaven was that it was not a ‘place’ in the way that we talk about places. He did reference things like Paradise (which hearers in that day would connect with the Garden of Eden), and ‘going to prepare a place.’ But Heaven was a reality where what God wants done gets done – and He demonstrated it by healing the blind, the sick, delivering people of evil spirits, and forgiving sins. And He talked about how the Kingdom of Heaven was something that was being made available to everyone who would receive it…or enter into it…or walk in its way. Those who had the best chances of experiencing it? The poor in spirit, those who are persecuted for doing the right thing, and children (and those who become like them). He said it’s like a lost coin, a lost sheep, a lost son, its like yeast in dough, and treasure hidden in a field.

Not anything about floating on clouds, or your own personal Heaven that’s full of your favorite things.

Rather, there is a ‘now’ reality of experiencing Heaven, as well as a ‘not yet’ reality. Yes, there is a ‘not yet’ reality that’s shrouded in mystery that will one day be revealed, and I believe my son is there with Jesus. But what I’ve learned is that Heaven is a lot more visceral than the heady theology we try to build for it. Maybe that’s why it may be better to hear the poets speak of it.

The point being: I used to look at Heaven as my home that is trapped in the ‘not yet.’ A reality that I look forward to, and hope for, as I trudge along. But I guess the beautiful shift is that my home is calling to me everyday. I don’t have to wait until I’m pushing up daisies to cross its threshold. Rather, the way Jesus tells us to live is with the prayer “Let Your Kingdom Come and Your will be done here on earth as it is in Heaven.” Let now start looking like the Not Yet – not through wishful thinking, but through the bravery of stepping into the Kingdom right now – doing the right thing, being ambassadors of love, and hope, and joy.

Now I don’t look at my “Home” as somewhere in the distant horizon, but rather crouching around every corner. That changes everything.

Suddenly Heaven is everywhere. In the morning coffee, in laughing with my family and friends, in hiking in nature, advocating for and working to alleviate the suffering of others, and in the boredom and great disappointments too. As I walk in this way, hope grows, and in a sense I feel close to my son as his ‘now’ is my ‘not yet.’ But it won’t be that way forever – someday our realities will be the same.

So, I’ve been writing and releasing songs in the Home project for the past couple of years. There’s a lot more to write about in this new way of thinking.

I’m beginning a sabbatical that I’m treating as a pilgrimage (a sacred journey), where I’m revisiting holy places. The holy places are ordinary places that are holy by experiencing the presence of God there – hearing His voice in significant ways. They are thin places where home felt near. It’s been a while since a good ole Memory Residue series, so here we go: “Home is Calling.”